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CROSSANS ~ Hellraisers of Castlemilk

Pt. I - Crossans

Home
Pt. I - Crossans
Scotland
Celtic Myths
Gàidhlig
My Family
Hellraisers
Karrie Brigitte
Dedication
Farewell
Memories
Pt. II - Prologue
Sorrow's Journey
Living Years
Razor's Edge
Tempestuous
Stark Raving Madness
Shattered Illusions
Storms of Fate
Pt. III - Preface
Ch.1 - Dublin
Ch.2 - Rose
Ch.3 - James
Ch.4 - Sons of the Gael
Ch.5 - Glasgow
Hellions' Crucible
Ch.6 - The Hellraisers
The Tale
Sláinte
A Scot's Farewell
Our Story
Love a Crossan
Pt. IV - Contact Me
Shrewish Tales
R U Daft?
California Kids
Happy New Year!
BeMy...

THE WARRIOR
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WILLIAM WALLACE

 

It is in his nature to be a

 Warrior
His stronghold is his inherent nature
against many grievousness.

 

Journey of Bran

Immram Brain

 

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THE SCOTSMAN

 

 

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A Scotsman clad in kilt left a bar one evening fair
And one could tell by how he walked

He'd drunk more than his share,
He stumbled 'round until he could no longer keep his feet,
Then he stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street.

 

About that time two young and lovely girls just happened by.
One says to the other with a twinkle in her eye,
"See yon sleeping
Scotsman
so strong and handsome built.
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt."

 

They crept up on that sleeping Scotsman quiet as could be,
Lifted up his kilt about an inch so they could see,
And there, behold, for them to view beneath his Scottish skirt
Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth.

 

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They marvelled for a moment, then one said, "We must be gone.
"Let's leave a present for our friend before we move along."
As a gift they left a blue silk ribbon, tied into a bow,
Around the
bonnie star the Scot's kilt did lift and show.

 

The Scotsman woke to nature's call

and stumbled toward the trees.
Behind the bush he lifts his kilt and gawks at what he sees.
In a startled voice he says to what's before his eyes,
"Lad, I don't know where you've been,

 

but I see you've WON FIRST PRIZE!!

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Yep, that’s a Crossan

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for you! 

 

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Always “Up & Ready”

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for the task at hand!

 

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We Three Shrews 

 

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CROSSAN LADS

 

 

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HIS SCHWEATY BALLS

Or you can try these balls

MORE SCHWEATY BALLS

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HOPE YOU ENJOY HIS BALLS,

I KNOW I DID!

 

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A CROSSAN'S CURIOUSITY
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STARTS EARLY, TOO.

CROSSAN SPIRIT
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STARTS EARLY!!

CROSSAN LOVE & LUST
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BEGINS A WEE BIT YOUNGER AS WELL!

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MS. SHREW ASKS A CROSSAN MAN:

WHAT DO YOU WEAR UNDER YOUR KILT?

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aka Karrie

 

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HIS REPLY: 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

·         How warm are your hands?

 

·         My Scottish pride.

 

·         On a good day, lipstick.

 

·         Play your cards right and you can find out.

 

·         Tell me lass, would you go jogging without a bra? If so, where do you jog and when?

 

·         Sorry, I'm a bit shy and not much good with words.  Give me your hand...

 

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PÓG MO THÓIN!
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CROSSAN MEN
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TIMID & SHY

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THE PUB

 

Angus was drinking at a pub all night. When he got up to leave,

he fell flat on his face.  He tried to stand again,

but to no avail, falling flat on his face.

He decided to crawl outside and get some fresh air to see

whether that would sober him up.

 

Once outside, he stood up and, sure enough,

fell flat on his face.

 

So, being a practical Scot, he crawled all the way home.
When he got to the door, he stood up yet again,

but fell flat on his face.

He crawled through the door into his bedroom.

When he reached his bed, he tried once more to stand upright.

This time he managed to pull himself to his feet but fell into bed. 

He was sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.


He woke the next morning to his wife shaking him and shouting,

" So, ye've been oot drinkin' as usual!"

 "Why would ye say that?" he complained innocently.
"Because the pub called an' ye left yer wheelchair there again!"

 

 

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  WEE  joke from a WEE  man.

 

     
 

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Don't  love me, eh?

 

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CLICK HERE:

 

KICKIN’ ASS!

 

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We're all a WEE bit...

 

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Damnú ort!
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SCOT'S SECRET REVEALED?

SEAN CONNERY - ORIGINAL 007
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MY WICKED THOUGHTS ABOUT SEAN HERE, WELL, I BETTER ASSERT MY 5TH AMENDMENT PRIVILEGE.

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Lines from STAR WARS

as they would be said by a CROSSAN:

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Han Solo
"I've got a real bad feeling about this"
"Ah'm shitin' ma sel' here boy"

"Bring 'em on!

"I prefer a straight fight to all this sneaking around."

 

"Come right ahead then lads!

"Fight the f***ing lot of ye!"

 

 

"There's no mystical energy field controls my destiny."
"The Force?!!  D'youse think ah came doon wi the rain?!"

"Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match

for a good blaster at your side, kid."


"Nae messin aboot wi the god squad

and auld rubbish, wee man. 

Get yersel' a decent shooter!"

Darth Vader

Trying to shoot down Luke in his TIE fighter:

"The Force is strong in this one"
"Stop shooglin' aboot ya wee bastard!"

Princess Leia
"You're a little short for a Stormtrooper aren't you?"
"Ah did'ny think they took short-erses in the polis?"

"This bucket of bolts is never going to get us past that blockade."
"Wuv goat NAE chance in this pile o' sh*te"

Admiral Motti
"Don't try to frighten us with your sorcerer's ways, Lord Vader."

"You think you're that hard, Vader so ye do. 

Well we're no feart ae you!"

Obi Wan Kenobi
"I felt a great disturbance in the Force."
"Oh, me! whit wiz aw that?"

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HAPPINESS
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IS UNDER MY KILT!

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DAFFY CROSSAN !

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LUSTY CROSSAN !

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AN ORNERY CROSSAN !

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AULD LANG SYNE

 

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Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be

forgot,
And days of auld lang syne?
And days of auld lang syne, my dear,
And days of auld lang syne.
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And days of auld lang syne?

 

We twa hae sported i' the burn,
From morning sun till dine,
But seas between us braid hae roared
Sin' auld lang syne.

Sin' auld lang syne, my dear,
Sin' auld lang syne.
But seas between us braid hae roared
Sin' auld lang syne.

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We twa hae run aboot the braes
And pu'd the gowans fine.
We've wandered mony a weary foot,
Sin' auld lang syne.
Sin' auld lang syne, my dear,
Sin' auld lang syne,
We've wandered mony a weary foot,
Sin' auld ang syne.

 

And ther's a hand, my trusty friend,
And gie's a hand o' thine;
We'll tak' a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.
For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We'll tak' a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.

 

Robert Burns
(1759-1796)

 

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 Auld Lang Syne (written in 1788, published in 1796)

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While FORTY is the

Old Age of Youth,

 

Being FIFTY is the

Youth of Old Age.

 

Victor Hugo

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Now I'm the

 Ol’ Middle-Aged Shrew

In the Youth of Old Age.

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LIFE is all about ASSES...

 

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You're either

 Covering it,

Laughing it off, 

 

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Kicking it,

  

 Kissing it,

 

Trying to get a piece of it,

 

or ...

 

 

 

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 BEHAVING LIKE

ONE!

 

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A WEE BAIRN'S CURIOUSITY
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STARTS EARLY, TOO.

SCOTTISH SPIRIT
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STARTS EARLY!!

SCOTTISH LOVE & LUST
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BEGINS A WEE BIT YOUNGER AS WELL!

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Click here:

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Why Scots invented Golf

 

 

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Crossan women would never

 take any crap from Mr. Bond

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CLICK HERE:  
 

HIS NAME IS BOND

SAYS HE WANTS A

MARTINI …

 

 

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CHEERS FROM ME & THE LADS! 

 

 

 

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COOL CROSSAN CAT!!! 

 

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