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CROSSANS ~ Hellraisers of Castlemilk

Shrewish Tales

Home
Pt. I - Crossans
Scotland
Celtic Myths
Gàidhlig
My Family
Hellraisers
Karrie Brigitte
Dedication
Farewell
Memories
Pt. II - Prologue
Sorrow's Journey
Living Years
Razor's Edge
Tempestuous
Stark Raving Madness
Shattered Illusions
Storms of Fate
Pt. III - Preface
Ch.1 - Dublin
Ch.2 - Rose
Ch.3 - James
Ch.4 - Sons of the Gael
Ch.5 - Glasgow
Hellions' Crucible
Ch.6 - The Hellraisers
The Tale
Sláinte
A Scot's Farewell
Our Story
Love a Crossan
Pt. IV - Contact Me
Shrewish Tales
R U Daft?
California Kids
Happy New Year!
BeMy...

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TAMING OF THE SHREW-RETOLD

PART V  (VIDEO)

 

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You are called Kate,

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Sometimes Kate the curst;

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And bonny Kate
 

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For dainties are all Kates,
 

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 And therefore, Kate,

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Take this of me of my consolation.
 
Now, 

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Kiss me Kate!

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TAMING OF THE SHREW-RETOLD

PART VI  (MUSIC VIDEO)

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TAMING OF THE SHREW-WESTERN STYLE

PART VII  (MUSIC VIDEO)

 

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Katherina

KATE THE SHREW

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Fairy Tales

 

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 Shrek

 

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Snowman

Full Version

 

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9 to 5

 

 

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My Name Is 

 

 

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Hey Babe! 

 

 

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WOMEN

are made to bear,

And so are

YOU!

 

PETRUCHIO 

 

TAMING OF THE SHREW

Shakespeare

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"It is important for men to remember that,

as women grow older,

it becomes harder for them to maintain

the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger.

 

When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are very sensitive,

and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.

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My name is Bob.

 

Let me relate how I handled the situation with
my wife, Debbie. When I took "early retirement" last year, it
became necessary for Debbie to get a full-time job along with her
part time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits
that we needed. Shortly after she started working, I noticed she
was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf
course about the same time she gets home from work.

Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says
she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner.

I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just

wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch

in the Men's Grill at the club so eating out is not reasonable.

I'm ready for some home cooked grub when I hit that door.

She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But
now it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours
after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her
several times each evening that they won't clean themselves.

I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate

her to get them done before she goes to bed.

Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think.

For example, she will say that it is difficult for her

 to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour.

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But, boys, we take 'em for better or worse,

so I just smile and offer encouragement.

 

I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days.
That way she won't have to rush so much.

 

I also remind her that missing lunch completely

 now and then wouldn't hurt her any

(if you know what I mean).

 

I like to think that tact is one of my strong points.

 

When doing simple jobs,

she seems to think she needs more rest periods.
She had to take a break when she was only half finished
mowing the yard. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man.
I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed
lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making
one for herself, she may as well make one for me too.

I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support
Debbie. I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is
easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible!
Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as

they get older. However, guys, even if you just use a little more
tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article,

I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile.

After all, we are put on this earth to help each other....."
Signed,
Bob

 


NOTE: Bob died SUDDENLY on May 27th.

 


The police report says that he was found with a Calloway extra long

50-inch Big Bertha Driver II golf club RAMMED up his ASS,

with only 2 inches of grip showing.

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His wife Debbie was arrested and charged with murder;

however, the all-woman jury found her Not Guilty,

accepting  her defense that he

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ACCIDENTALLY sat down on it. 

 

 
     

     

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ASSES

are made to bear,

and so are

YOU!

 

KATE

 

TAMING OF THE SHREW

Shakespeare

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BOB won't be in the office today -

 

We've all had trouble with our animals,

but I don't think anyone can top this one:

 

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Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable.

No matter how legitimate my excuse,

I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying.

On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway,

because the truth was just too darned humiliating.

I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury,

and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day.

By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain

the bandage on the top of my head.

The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to

my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty.

 Initially, the new acquisition was no problem.

Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast

when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.

"Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it."


"You know where the button is,"

I protested through the shower pitter-patter

 and steam. "Reset it yourself!"

"But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?"

There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a second."

So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked,

hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement

about how I perceived her behavior as extremely cowardly.

Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button.

It is the last action I remember performing.

It struck without warning,

and without any respect to my circumstances.

No, it wasn't the hexed disposal,

drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth.

It was our new kitty,

 

who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs.

She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink.

And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable,

she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws.

I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements,

blindly rising at a violent rate of speed,

 with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region.

 

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Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "FIGHT OR FLIGHT" syndrome.

Men, in this predicament, choose only the "FLIGHT" option.

I know this from experience.

I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink

and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent.  

The impact knocked me out cold.


When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me.

Now there are not many things in this life worse

than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor

butt naked in front of a group of "been-there, done-that" paramedics.


Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife,

the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work,

 all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter......and not succeeding.

Somehow I lived through it all.

A few days later I finally made it back in to the office,

where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me

about my head injury.

I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was.

 

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"What's the matter?" They all asked,

 

"CAT got your TONGUE?"

 

 

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If they only knew!


Why is it that only the WOMEN laugh at this?

 
     

 

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Of all the websites, in all the cities,

in all the world,

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He had to come into mine.

Ms. Shrew

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You are Welcome to visit

Karrie's "LoOnY ToOnS" Diaries

 

Although it is currently under reconstruction

(more like a major facelift), but what the hell, come on by...

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A wee warning, if you are a bit squeamish about that "F"  word and/or you're a man whose ego bruises easily with a bit of humorous male-bashing, we better say our goodbyes here.

 

I certainly wouldn't want to violate & offend the tender virtues of the weaker sex.

 

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 UNDER CONSTRUCTION:  

 

http://www.katetheshrew.com/looneytoons

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 “We’re all MAD here”

  

A story of the Scottish Psychiatrist, R.D Laing.

His life story and his extraordinary work with his patient,

 Mary Barnes.

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“Laing was invited by some doctors to examine a young girl diagnosed as schizophrenic. The girl was locked into a padded cell in a special hospital, and sat there naked. She usually spent the whole day rocking to and fro. The doctors asked Laing for his opinion. What would he do about her? Unexpectedly, Laing stripped off naked himself and entered her cell.   

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There he sat with her, rocking in time to her rhythm.

 After about twenty minutes she started speaking,

 something she had not done for several months.

 

The doctors were amazed. 'Did it never occur to you to do that?'

Laing commented to them later, with feigned innocence.

 

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Laing remains a highly enigmatic figure. His work tends to be dismissed by most psychiatrists; however, droves of mentally ill people insist that this was a man who truly understood how they felt. Laing did not appear to so much preach a doctrine as live it. His self-destructive tendencies and mood swings are well documented. In 1989 he died of a heart attack at the age of 62, his health ruined by years of depression and alcoholism.

"Overall, physicians are more than twice as likely as the general population to kill themselves."     

 Psychiatrists are not invincible

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A journey through madness

by both the patient and the doctor.

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When we remember we are all MAD,

the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.

 

Mark Twain

 

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"General Contradictions" – working title

General Braxton Bragg (no relation)

 

Braxton Bragg (March 22, 1817September 27, 1876) was a career U.S. Army officer and a general in the Confederate States Army, a principal commander in the Western Theater of the American Civil War.

 

Perhaps the most controversial of all ranking Confederate officers, this North Carolina native was a writer, traveler, respected artillery commander and plantation owner prior to the Civil War.  Of the eight men who reached the rank of full general in the Confederate army Braxton Bragg was the most controversial. The North Carolinian West Pointer (1837) had earned a prewar reputation for strict discipline as well as a literal adherence to regulations. At one time, the story goes, he actually had a written dispute with himself while serving in the dual capacity of company commander and post quartermaster.
       

His pre-Civil War career was highly distinguished. After seeing action against the Seminoles, he went on to win three brevets in the Mexican War, in which his battery of "flying artillery" revolutionized, in many respects, the battlefield use of that arm. In 1856 he resigned his captaincy-he was a lieutenant colonel by brevet-in the 3rd Artillery and became a Louisiana planter.

 

After graduating from West Point Braxton Bragg entered the army as a second lieutenant on July 1, 1837. He fought in the Seminole Wars, 1837-1841 and served under Zachary Taylor during the Mexican-American War. At Monterey, Captain Bragg distinguished himself during bitter street fighting and in an attack on the cathedral and main plaza, but it was during the battle of Buena Vista that his "prompt and fearless conduct" saved the Americans from defeat. He is credited with repulsing a frontal attack through effective use of his artillery, then holding off an attack on General Zachary Taylor's flank while Colonel Jefferson Davis organized a defense of the position...

Fort Bragg

 

 

 “White Rose Letters”  

A story on finding one's conscience and courage. Based on a true story.

 The White Rose

 

"Nympho & Other Maniacs"

A story  based on Irving Wallace's earlier book which looks at women who for whatever the reason were considered outside of the norm of their times. Example:Victoria Woodhull (the imfamous financial "wizard" )who was accused of prostitution and ran for President before women had the vote.

 

“Mary's Vindication” (The first Feminist)

The First Feminist

 

“Shakespeare’s Women"

 “All the world’s a stage and all the men and women merely players”  What if Shakespears’s women were no longer merely the players…

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All works created herein by Katetheshrew aka Karrie Bragg may be subject to copyright.
 
NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT INTENDED.

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VIDEO LINKS:

 

WHY SCOTS INVENTED GOLF-Robin Williams on Golf

AH WELL, NOBODY’S PERFECT

ATTA GIRL!

 

 

HAPPY COWS - SHEEP ESCAPE

IRN BRU SNOWMAN ADVERT

 

SUGGESTED BY: Nawamurnae

AT http://www.firstfoot.co.uk/

 

FirstFoot.com is Scotland's humour site.

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TAMING OF THE SHREW-RETOLD

PART I  of  7 (MUSIC VIDEO)

 

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TAMING OF THE SHREW-WESTERN STYLE 

PART II   (MUSIC VIDEO)

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TAMING OF THE SHREW-RETOLD

PART III  (MUSIC VIDEO)

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TAMING OF THE SHREW-RETOLD

PART V  (VIDEO)

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 TAMING OF THE SHREW-RETOLD

PART VI  (MUSIC VIDEO)

 

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TAMING OF THE SHREW-WESTERN STYLE

PART VII  (MUSIC VIDEO)

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A Crossan Woman

Created 5/14/2006

(Mother's Day)

By Ms. Shrew

 

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