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CROSSANS ~ Hellraisers of Castlemilk

Love a Crossan

Home
Pt. I - Crossans
Scotland
Celtic Myths
Gàidhlig
My Family
Hellraisers
Karrie Brigitte
Dedication
Farewell
Memories
Pt. II - Prologue
Sorrow's Journey
Living Years
Razor's Edge
Tempestuous
Stark Raving Madness
Shattered Illusions
Storms of Fate
Pt. III - Preface
Ch.1 - Dublin
Ch.2 - Rose
Ch.3 - James
Ch.4 - Sons of the Gael
Ch.5 - Glasgow
Hellions' Crucible
Ch.6 - The Hellraisers
The Tale
Sláinte
A Scot's Farewell
Our Story
Love a Crossan
Pt. IV - Contact Me
Shrewish Tales
R U Daft?
California Kids
Happy New Year!
BeMy...

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COMTESSE [considering her]. Ever been in love,

you cold thing?

 

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SYBIL [yawning]. I have never shot up in flame, Auntie.

 

COMTESSE. Think you could manage it?

 

SYBIL. If Mr. Right came along.

 

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COMTESSE. As a girl of to-day it would be your duty to tame him.

 

SYBIL. As a girl of to-day I would try to do my duty.

 

COMTESSE. And if it turned out that HE tamed you instead?

 

 

 

 

SYBIL. He would have to do that if he were MY Mr. Right.

 

COMTESSE. And then?

 

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SYBIL. Then, of course, I should adore him.

 

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Auntie, I think if I ever really love -

it will be like Mary Queen of Scots,

 

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who said of her Bothwell that she could follow him

 

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round the world in her nighty.

 

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LOCH LOMOND

 

JOHN. I know you, Maggie, to the very roots of you.

 

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MAGGIE. And it's not as if there was any other woman

you fancied more, John.

 

JOHN. There's none whatever.

 

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MAGGIE. If there ever should be--oh, if there ever should be!

Some woman with charm.

 

JOHN. Maggie, you forget yourself. There couldn't be another woman

once I was a married man.

 

MAGGIE. One has heard of such things.

 

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JOHN. Not in Scotsmen, Maggie;

 

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 not in Scotsmen.

 

MAGGIE. I've sometimes thought, John, that the difference between us

and the English is that the Scotch are hard in all other respects

 

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 but soft with women, and the English are hard with women

 but soft in all other respects.

 

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JOHN. You've forgotten the grandest moral attribute of a Scotsman,

Maggie, that he'll do nothing which might damage his career.

 

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MAGGIE. Ah, but John, whatever you do, you do it so tremendously;

and if you were to love, what a passion it would be.

 

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JOHN. There's something in that, I suppose….

 

 

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UNDERSTANDING

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UNDERSTANDING

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 CROSSAN WOMEN

by Li'l Miss Shrew

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“OH”  This word is TROUBLE!

 

If a CROSSAN woman says “OH” before a statement,

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RUN,

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do NOT walk, to the nearest  

 

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EXIT!!!

 

 

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 “OH”

as the lead-in to a sentence usually signifies that

 

YOU ARE CAUGHT IN A LIE.

 

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Don't try to lie to get out of it

or you will get raised eyebrows

  

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and  a "GO AHEAD,"

 

 

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followed by ACTS SO UNSPEAKABLE

that I can't bring myself to write about them!

 

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“LOUD SIGH” - She thinks

 

YOU

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are a FUCKING IDIOT

 

 at the moment & wonders why she's wasting her time

 standing here and arguing with you over

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“NOTHING”

 

NOTHING Means SOMETHING!

 

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YOU

  

Better be on your toes, pal!

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Used to describe the feeling

A CROSSAN woman has of wanting to turn you

 

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 INSIDE OUT, UPSIDE DOWN &

BACKWARDS!

 

 

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“THAT'S OKAY”

 - Translated:

 This is one of the most

 

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 DANGEROUS

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statements that

a CROSSAN WOMAN can say to a MAN.

 

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“THAT'S OKAY”

means that she wants to think

long and hard before visiting on

 

 

YOU

 

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MAJOR retribution ...

 For what ever it is that you have done.

 

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At some point in the near future when she has

 PLOTTED AND PLANNED,

 

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YOU 

are going to be in some

 

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MIGHTY BIG TROUBLE!!!!!

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THANKS A LOT!


This is much different than "THANKS".

 

 CROSSAN  will say, "THANKS A LOT"

when she is really PISSED off at you.

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It signifies that you have hurt her

in some callous way,

and will be followed by the

 "LOUD SIGH".

 

Be careful not to ask WHAT IS WRONG

 after the "LOUD SIGH",

 

as she will only tell you

 "NOTHING!"

 
     

     

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When I'm good,

I'm very, very good,

but when I'm bad,

I'm better.
Mae West

 

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MISS SHREW'S  GUIDE

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TO UNDERSTANDING MEN:

 
     

     

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MEN:

 

"Do you want to go to a movie?"  REALLY MEANS, 

 I'd like to have SEX.

 

"Can I take you out to dinner?"  REALLY MEANS, 

 I'd like to have SEX.

 

"Can I call you sometime?" REALLY MEANS, 

 I'd like to have SEX.

 

"I love you, too."  REALLY MEANS,  Okay, I said it...

we'd better have SEX now!

 

"Let's talk."  REALLY MEANS,  I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then we can have SEX.

 

 
     

     

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"I was listening to you.  It's just that I have SOMETHING on my mind." 

 

Translated:

 

 "That girl standing on the corner is a

 REAL BABE!!!"

 

 
     

     

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"You know I could NEVER

 LOVE anyone else!"  

 

Translated:

 

 "I am used to the way you

YELL at me,

and realize it could be

 A LOT worse."

 

 
     

     

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"I HEARD YOU,"

 REALLY MEANS,

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"I don't  have a  FUCKING CLUE  

what you just said! "

 

 
     

     
 

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"Nice dress!" 

REALLY MEANS, 

Nice CLEAVAGE! 

 

"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." 

REALLY MEANS, 

 I liked it better BEFORE!

 

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"We're going to be LATE,"

 

 REALLY MEANS,

 

"Now I have a legitimate

excuse to drive like a

MANIAC!"

 

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"That's interesting, dear"

 

Translated:

 

 "Are you

 

STILL TALKING?"

 

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She told me we couldn’t afford beer anymore and I’d have to quit.

 

Then I caught her spending $100 on makeup.

 

And I asked how come I had to give up stuff and she didn’t.

 

She said she needed the makeup to look pretty for me.

 

I told her that was what the beer was for.

 

I don’t think she’s coming back…

 

 
     

     

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The lady doth protest too much,

 methinks.

 

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HAMLET

William Shakespeare

 
     

     

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WHY DO MEN BECOME

 SMARTER DURING SEX?

 

because they are PLUGGED

into a GENIUS!

 

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WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?

we don't have enough time.

 

 What does it mean when

a man is in your bed

 gasping for breath and

calling your name?

 

 YOU DID NOT HOLD THE PILLOW

DOWN LONG ENOUGH!

 

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Marriage is a wonderful institution…

But who wants to live in an institution?

 

GROUCHO MARX

 

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Yes, darling,

 let me cover your face

with kisses,

 

on second thought, 

 just let me

cover your face.

 

GROUCHO MARX

 

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SHREWISH ADVICE

ABOUT MEN


To be happy with a man

you must understand him a lot

and love him a little.


 

 
     

     

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SHREWISH ADVICE

ABOUT WOMEN


To be happy with a woman

you must love her a lot

and not try to understand her at all.

 
     

     

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There will always be a battle

between the sexes

because men and women

want different things.

 

Men want women

and women want men.

 

 
     

     

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If you have LOVE,

you don't need to have

 anything else.

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If you don't have LOVE,

it doesn't matter much

what else you do have.

 

James M. Barrie

 

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P.S.  Yeah, I KNOW Frank Sinatra is NOT Scottish or a Crossan!

It’s just a favorite song of mine, “Summer Wind”.

 

But since this is my FUCKING website,

I can FUCKIN’ play

whatever music I FUCKIN’ want –

Have I made myself FUCKING clear!

 

Cheers!

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Miss SHREW

 

     

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Sometimes known to be a REAL

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HORSE'S ASS!

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Acknowledgment and many thanks for the use of the pictures

of a very talented young Scottish actor from Glasgow,

 James McAvoy, for my character – James Crossan.

 

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The Music & Writers That Inspire:

 

 

 

 

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Allan Parsons

Bryan Adams

Celtic Woman

Alanis Morissette

Moody Blues

Pachelbel

Frank Sinatra

Mike and the Mechanics

Emerson, Lake & Palmer

Chuck Mangione

Queen Latifah

Mason Williams

Stevie Nicks

Sting

The Who

Ace Of Base

Tears For Fears

3 Doors Down

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Jack London

William Butler Yeats

Shakespeare

James Joyce

Thoreau

Sir Walter Scott

Charles Dickens

Edgar Allan Poe

Robert Louis Stevenson

John Steinbeck

Arthur Conan Doyle

Robert Burns

Tennessee Williams

Isak Dinesen

Byron

Longfellow

Lewis Carroll

James Thurber

Mark Twain

William Thackeray

James M. Barrie

 

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A Crossan Woman

Created 5/14/2006

(Mother's Day)

By Ms. Shrew

 

 

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