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| THE WARRIOR |
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| WILLIAM WALLACE |
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It is in his nature to be a
Warrior
His
stronghold is his inherent nature
against many grievousness.
Journey
of Bran
Immram
Brain
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A Scotsman
clad in kilt left a bar one evening fair
And one could tell by how he walked
He'd drunk more than his share,
He stumbled 'round until he could no longer keep his feet,
Then he stumbled
off into the grass to sleep beside the street.
About that time two young and lovely girls just happened by.
One says to the other with a twinkle
in her eye,
"See yon sleeping Scotsman so strong and handsome built.
I wonder if it's true
what they don't wear beneath the kilt."
They crept up on that sleeping Scotsman
quiet as could be,
Lifted
up his kilt about an inch so they could see,
And there, behold, for them to view beneath his Scottish skirt
Was nothing
more than God had graced him with upon his birth.
They marvelled for a moment, then one said, "We must be gone.
"Let's leave a present for our friend
before we move along."
As a gift they left a blue silk ribbon, tied into a bow,
Around the bonnie star the Scot's kilt did
lift and show.
The Scotsman woke to nature's call
and stumbled toward the trees.
Behind the bush he lifts his kilt and gawks at what he sees.
In a startled
voice he says to what's before his eyes,
"Lad, I don't know where you've been,
but I see you've WON FIRST PRIZE!!
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fhdjxk
HOPE YOU ENJOY
HIS BALLS,
I KNOW I DID!
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| A CROSSAN'S CURIOUSITY |
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| STARTS EARLY, TOO. |
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| CROSSAN SPIRIT |
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| STARTS EARLY!! |
| CROSSAN LOVE & LUST |
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| BEGINS A WEE BIT YOUNGER AS WELL! |
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MS.
SHREW ASKS A CROSSAN MAN:
WHAT DO YOU
WEAR UNDER YOUR KILT?
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· How warm are your hands?
· My Scottish pride.
· On a good day, lipstick.
· Play your cards right and you can find
out.
· Tell me lass, would you go jogging without
a bra? If so, where do you jog and when?
· Sorry, I'm a bit shy and not much good
with words. Give me your hand...
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THE PUB
Angus was
drinking at a pub all night. When he got up to leave,
he fell
flat on his face. He tried to stand again,
but to
no avail, falling flat on his face.
He decided
to crawl outside and get some fresh air to see
whether
that would sober him up.
Once outside,
he stood up and, sure enough,
fell flat
on his face.
So, being
a practical Scot, he crawled all the way home.
When he got to the door, he stood up yet again,
but fell
flat on his face.
He crawled
through the door into his bedroom.
When he
reached his bed, he tried once more to stand upright.
This time
he managed to pull himself to his feet but fell into bed.
He was
sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.
He woke the next morning to his wife shaking him and shouting,
" So,
ye've been oot drinkin' as usual!"
"Why
would ye say that?" he complained innocently.
"Because the pub called an' ye left yer wheelchair there again!"
WEE joke from a WEE man.
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Lines from STAR WARS
as they would be said by a CROSSAN:
Han Solo
"I've got a real bad feeling about this"
"Ah'm shitin' ma sel' here boy"
"Bring 'em on!
"I prefer a straight fight to all this sneaking around."
"Come right ahead then lads!
"Fight the f***ing lot of ye!"
"There's no mystical energy field controls
my destiny."
"The Force?!! D'youse
think ah came doon wi the rain?!"
"Hokey
religions and ancient weapons are no match
for a good blaster at your side, kid."
"Nae messin
aboot wi the god squad
and auld rubbish, wee man.
Get yersel' a decent shooter!"
Darth Vader
Trying to shoot down Luke in his TIE fighter:
"The Force is strong in this one"
"Stop shooglin' aboot ya wee bastard!"
Princess Leia
"You're a little short for a Stormtrooper aren't you?"
"Ah did'ny think they took short-erses in the polis?"
"This bucket of bolts is never going to get us past that blockade."
"Wuv goat NAE chance in this pile o' sh*te"
Admiral Motti
"Don't try to frighten us with your sorcerer's ways,
Lord Vader."
"You think you're that hard, Vader so ye do.
Well we're no feart ae you!"
Obi Wan Kenobi
"I felt a great disturbance in the Force."
"Oh, me! whit wiz aw that?"
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Should auld acquaintance
be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be
forgot,
And
days of auld lang syne?
And days of auld lang syne, my dear,
And days of auld lang syne.
Should auld acquaintance
be forgot,
And days of auld lang syne? |
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We twa hae sported
i' the burn,
From morning sun till dine,
But seas between us braid hae roared
Sin' auld lang syne.
Sin' auld lang syne, my dear,
Sin' auld lang syne.
But seas between us braid
hae roared
Sin' auld lang syne. |
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We twa hae run
aboot the braes
And pu'd the gowans fine.
We've wandered mony a weary foot,
Sin' auld lang syne.
Sin' auld lang
syne, my dear,
Sin' auld lang syne,
We've wandered mony a weary foot,
Sin' auld ang syne. |
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And ther's a hand,
my trusty friend,
And gie's a hand o' thine;
We'll tak' a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.
For auld lang
syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We'll tak' a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne. |
Auld Lang Syne
(written in 1788, published in 1796)
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While FORTY is the
Old Age of Youth,
Being FIFTY is the
Youth of Old Age.
Victor Hugo
Now I'm
the
Ol’ Middle-Aged Shrew
In the Youth of Old Age.
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LIFE is all about ASSES...
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You're either
Covering it,
Laughing it off,
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Kicking it,
Kissing it,
Trying to get a piece of it,
or ...
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| A WEE BAIRN'S CURIOUSITY |
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| STARTS EARLY, TOO. |
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| SCOTTISH SPIRIT |
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| STARTS EARLY!! |
| SCOTTISH LOVE & LUST |
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| BEGINS A WEE BIT YOUNGER AS WELL! |
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CHEERS FROM ME &
THE LADS!
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